How often does this happen to you…?
You have a plan, a schedule, a due date, and everything the Universe has in store for you suddenly shows up in that exact moment and throws off all your plans, your good intentions, and the should haves, would haves, could haves bubble to the surface and the big ugly beast, Guilt, rears its scruffy head and roars in your face? And/or, the old tapes inside your head start in: ‘See, you weren’t going to do it anyway!’ ‘You’ve procrastinated like usual and now you can’t enter the book contest because you got in your own way, LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO….’
Soooooo, not fun. But, this situation also gave me yet another opportunity to really look at my should haves, would haves, could haves, to look at the question of: ‘was I really keeping myself small by putting things off that I had intended to do so I could handle what was right in front of me (which, by-the-way, absolutely needed my attention)?’ OR ‘was I just following the Divine Plan all along?’
I know myself very well, but at the time, I was feeling extremely vulnerable and fearful that I had fallen into my old ways by not following through, by not ACTING on my good intentions. Especially, since this birth year that is my goal – to ACT. I had no real clarity. This time didn’t feel the same as when I had held myself back/kept myself small and the Voice inside my head wasn’t ranting ugliness at me as a result of my NOT doing it. But still…. How was I to tell the difference?
Thankfully, I had a dear friend to bounce this one off of. I think what helped me most in differentiating between the way I used to do things and the way I do them now, was my friend being more objective than I (obviously) reminding me that if we just ALLOW things to happen, they do. I was fighting against the tide, wanting things to go/be a certain way, when the Universe had so obviously conspired FOR me to do this other thing instead.
Her insight, as well as my own taking a deep breath and re-evaluating how I was actually feeling about the situation, helped me resolve this issue. I wasn’t procrastinating. I wasn’t keeping myself small. I WAS helping shift the energy in a BIG, positive, loving way for someone very dear to me. I was also doing a lot of healing and holding the sacred space for her to heal herself. And in the long run, even the short run, to me, THAT is well worth allowing a book contest to pass by with grace and acceptance and love. Because now I KNOW the difference between the self-inflicted angst of procrastination and keeping myself boxed in and the allowing of letting the Universe in and flowing with the Divine plan.
And knowing the difference makes ALL the difference.
So, my Beautiful You friends, take the time to learn the difference between the old you and the new you/the authentic you. Ask a dear friend for help if, like me, the line between the two is a little murky. If it’s just you, find a way to write out or paint out or sing out your confusion and make room for the knowing that is within you. Sometimes we just have to be still and listen and allow for the sacred to be made known.