Hello my dear Beautiful You friends, my Beauties,
So, what do you do when you’ve created a blog of self-empowerment, taught a group of girls and women to see themselves with and through love, sent your son out into the big wide world only to get him back a year later and send him off to collage, to step outside of old fears and banish them by stepping off a mountainside and zip lining over a three hundred foot canyon, the rain sprinkling your face and utter freedom singing in your heart? What do you do when you’ve seen the world like never before, celebrated the beginning of an eighth year teaching at the same school, working with friends day-in and day-out to help our students find their power and their way through the education system the best way we know how – through love, and guidance, and cajoling, and setting boundaries, and giving them wings? What do you do when you’ve allowed yourself to accept, no, revel in the challenge of the Black Course of the Flagstaff Extreme Ropes Course and completed it? What do you do when you’ve just written a 100,000 word novel that took you over two years to write, then wrote 50,000 words for the NaNoWriMo in thirty days while holding down your day job and spending the holidays with your family and completing the myriad tasks of day-to-day life? If you’re me, you descend into a holding pattern, especially if you are granted two weeks off (the saving grace of teachers everywhere.)
I used to resist this quietness that comes over me, the need to hibernate, to delve deep into one of my favorite authors’ newest works (Ilona Andrews and Sarah J. Maas and Tanya Huff to name just a few) and lose myself. Now I embrace it, and I have a family of dear hearts that understand this need for me to check out for a bit, to refill my stores, to rejuvenate my creative core with images outside myself, outside the here and now where magic exists and good overcomes evil. Where illness can be healed with a soothing touch, a shift in perception, where addiction is laid to rest, depression is enveloped with light and love and understanding. Where characters are forced to plow through the agony of the twists and turns of an author’s wickedly creative imagination in order to come to terms with who and sometimes what they are wholly through self-forgiveness and self-acknowledgment. And only then with this new self-awareness are they able to work together because they see each in the other and the understanding that we are all one dawns like the most beautiful sunrise, and healing can begin at last.
And then I wake up and know that all of this and even more can and has and does happen in the here and now, day-in and day-out, miracle after miracle after miracle. Every breath is a gift, every sunrise, every sunset. And sometimes it takes revisiting this holding pattern to feel renewed, whole again, able to descend the jet bridge and step with intention at this next stop of my journey. To trust that I have come this far, traveled to this point in my life that connects to the next and the next and that each step is not only a journey but a destination along the way.
Sometimes the holding pattern lasts longer than others, sometimes it’s a quick fifteen minute hop. Regardless, it’s a place of respite, a place of peace, a time out of time, an objective view of the landscape of my life so I can then step more fully into myself, into my power, into ‘the me’ I am creating with each choice, with each breath.
I have family and friends that are struggling to hold the light, to find the light within, to find their way home (which for me means self-love.) I have come to think that this struggle is just another form of a holding pattern and that when it is in their divine time, and in their divine way, they too will touch back down, wiser, kinder to themselves. It has been said that hindsight is 50/50. But what I would like to propose is that we don’t have to wait till the end to view our lives, the choices we make moment by moment with this same kind of awareness and clarity. If we can sit in this holding pattern with love, if we can find the light of hope and hold onto it, then that’s enough, no matter where we land.
Today I landed, this holding pattern is complete. I am full once more. Rested once more. And I am filled with love and gratitude for this awareness, for the time that was needed (and given) for me to once more leave doubt behind and step more completely into wholeness, into self-love and faith and trust that Life does indeed have my back. And my front and my right side as well as my left, as above so below, and inside out and upside down. There is no part of me, of Shannon Lee Horn, that isn’t surrounded, imbued with the beauty that is this wondrous thing called love, called Life. There is no part of you that isn’t surrounded, imbued with the beauty that is this wondrous thing called love, called Life. Sometimes we need to reside in a holding pattern in order to remember this truth.
I step down the final step onto the tarmac, my face lifted to the sun, feet firmly planted, heart open wide, with a smile on my face, and my arms spread out in surrender to the bliss that is now.
My dear, dear Beautiful You friends,
Whatever your holding pattern means to you, may you find respite and peace and love there. And when you land, may you be more whole, more accepting of grace and ease and love. Life doesn’t have to be hard, a struggle, work. Life can be glorious, and fun, and filling if only we allow it.
Allow it my Beauties, allow it.
Love and Light, Grace and Ease.